Hey, since we’re all Hellraiser fans here, I wanted to share this post I put on my stack …
I asked ChatGPT to develop a standalone Hellraiser movie where the Cénobites open a day care center on earth and discover their tender, nurturing side.
The result was surprisingly good in my opinion … and more accurate to the Clive Barker lore than H5-10.
Title: Hell-Tots: Raising Hell to Raise Them Right
Genre: Horror-Comedy
Logline: When the Cenobites are called to Earth by a cursed daycare center run by a struggling single mom, they discover the ultimate paradox: the pain and pleasure of parenting. Over time, the Cenobites find themselves reluctantly embracing their new roles as caretakers, unleashing both chaos and unexpected tenderness in a story that’s one part Kindergarten Cop and one part Hellraiser.
...
Butterball (the story’s secret heart) becomes an unlikely favorite among the kids. His quiet, non-threatening presence and teddy-bear appearance attract the little ones. Soon, he’s assigned snack duty, where he impresses with his surprisingly gentle nature, carefully doling out cookies and juice boxes with his gloved hands. Butterball’s nurturing side begins to emerge as he learns to interpret what the children want without them having to ask.
...
The climax sees the Cenobites facing off with the rival daycare’s overzealous owners and inspectors in a battle of both wits and horror. Butterball’s tenderness shines as he manages to comfort a crying child caught in the commotion, his massive form shielding her from the chaos. Seeing this, the other Cenobites are inspired and discover more of their nurturing instincts: Chatterer distracts the inspectors by leading the kids in a chaotic sing-along, while the Female Cenobite calmly guides parents through paperwork with an air of (genuinely terrifying) professionalism.
...
Pinhead:
"Pain, pleasure… juice boxes? They are so… small."
"The chains of chaos can only be subdued by discipline… or perhaps, snack time."
"These mortal children do not respond to fear. Fascinating."
"Your soul is prepared for judgment… but first, you must clean up the finger paints."
I also like Clive Barker's earlier books and wished they'd make The Damnation Game into a movie. Can you imagine? I mean, its so much better than the shit out there in theaters now. I re-read it last year and liked it more than when I was a teenager. Loved the Great and Secret Show and Weaveworld. too.
As for Hellraiser, I actually liked the first, found the second and fourth wasted efforts although they both had their moments, and the third was absurd but has a couple of the best Pinhead scenes ("Jesus Christ!" Pinhead replies "Not quite."). I thought the reboot with Jamie Clayton was actually pretty good but could have been better, and wished the Cenobites were more than just bloody figures in the background. Id be interested in seeing another with her if they decide to go that route.
'Imajica' needs a seasonal series, but not that wish-washy Hollywood bullshit, something with pain and beauty and philosophical, maybe in the hands of Christopher Nolan.
Oh, my brother, I, too, read Barker WAY TOO young. I was in Junior High when I read The Damnation Game. I was a touch older when I read The Great and Secret Show. TDG showed me a cast of characters where none of them were good people (arguably the bodyguard was trying). I'd never, ever read anything like that before. Cabal (Nightbreed) was great, too. I reread TGaSS when I was in grad school, so mid-late twenties, and I understood it a lot better. But yeah, Barker is a master at the underdog and the outcast. I also think his book, The Thief of Always, is one of the best YA books ever written. I read that, too, in high school, and it made me want to be a writer. I still reread it from time to time, and I should do it again soon, since it is spooky season.
Clive Barker is brilliant and I loooove Pinhead!! Him and Freddy. Although, I think Art may surpass them, IDK. Can I love all 3 equally? Anywaaaaayyyy love the list!
Hey, since we’re all Hellraiser fans here, I wanted to share this post I put on my stack …
I asked ChatGPT to develop a standalone Hellraiser movie where the Cénobites open a day care center on earth and discover their tender, nurturing side.
The result was surprisingly good in my opinion … and more accurate to the Clive Barker lore than H5-10.
Butterball gets a big role 😹
https://substack.com/home/post/p-151652647?source=queue
Some snippets:
Title: Hell-Tots: Raising Hell to Raise Them Right
Genre: Horror-Comedy
Logline: When the Cenobites are called to Earth by a cursed daycare center run by a struggling single mom, they discover the ultimate paradox: the pain and pleasure of parenting. Over time, the Cenobites find themselves reluctantly embracing their new roles as caretakers, unleashing both chaos and unexpected tenderness in a story that’s one part Kindergarten Cop and one part Hellraiser.
...
Butterball (the story’s secret heart) becomes an unlikely favorite among the kids. His quiet, non-threatening presence and teddy-bear appearance attract the little ones. Soon, he’s assigned snack duty, where he impresses with his surprisingly gentle nature, carefully doling out cookies and juice boxes with his gloved hands. Butterball’s nurturing side begins to emerge as he learns to interpret what the children want without them having to ask.
...
The climax sees the Cenobites facing off with the rival daycare’s overzealous owners and inspectors in a battle of both wits and horror. Butterball’s tenderness shines as he manages to comfort a crying child caught in the commotion, his massive form shielding her from the chaos. Seeing this, the other Cenobites are inspired and discover more of their nurturing instincts: Chatterer distracts the inspectors by leading the kids in a chaotic sing-along, while the Female Cenobite calmly guides parents through paperwork with an air of (genuinely terrifying) professionalism.
...
Pinhead:
"Pain, pleasure… juice boxes? They are so… small."
"The chains of chaos can only be subdued by discipline… or perhaps, snack time."
"These mortal children do not respond to fear. Fascinating."
"Your soul is prepared for judgment… but first, you must clean up the finger paints."
serious question why don't u just marry pinhead
i don't have time for this andy im trying to do journalism here
If you married Pinhead and taught him to be a journalist, you could be the proverbial housewife.
I also like Clive Barker's earlier books and wished they'd make The Damnation Game into a movie. Can you imagine? I mean, its so much better than the shit out there in theaters now. I re-read it last year and liked it more than when I was a teenager. Loved the Great and Secret Show and Weaveworld. too.
As for Hellraiser, I actually liked the first, found the second and fourth wasted efforts although they both had their moments, and the third was absurd but has a couple of the best Pinhead scenes ("Jesus Christ!" Pinhead replies "Not quite."). I thought the reboot with Jamie Clayton was actually pretty good but could have been better, and wished the Cenobites were more than just bloody figures in the background. Id be interested in seeing another with her if they decide to go that route.
'Imajica' needs a seasonal series, but not that wish-washy Hollywood bullshit, something with pain and beauty and philosophical, maybe in the hands of Christopher Nolan.
Oh, my brother, I, too, read Barker WAY TOO young. I was in Junior High when I read The Damnation Game. I was a touch older when I read The Great and Secret Show. TDG showed me a cast of characters where none of them were good people (arguably the bodyguard was trying). I'd never, ever read anything like that before. Cabal (Nightbreed) was great, too. I reread TGaSS when I was in grad school, so mid-late twenties, and I understood it a lot better. But yeah, Barker is a master at the underdog and the outcast. I also think his book, The Thief of Always, is one of the best YA books ever written. I read that, too, in high school, and it made me want to be a writer. I still reread it from time to time, and I should do it again soon, since it is spooky season.
Clive Barker wrote my best fiction book ('Imajica'), and I love your enthusiasm.
Who wins: Pinhead vs Billy (from 'Pandemonium)? Billy!
The scariest motherfucker to be locked in a room with (let alone for 4000 years).
(hitting this late)
great, now I want to see a series of shorts where Pinhead keeps trying to torture people but Beetlejuice won't leave him alone.
Clive Barker is brilliant and I loooove Pinhead!! Him and Freddy. Although, I think Art may surpass them, IDK. Can I love all 3 equally? Anywaaaaayyyy love the list!
I quibble with your battle conclusions regarding Hellpriest vs Freddy.
Freddy shapes or mis-shapes the gestalt of dreams. Hellpriest middle-manages the victim’s personal choices.
You cannot avoid slumber and dreams. But you can always avoid opening the helldimension of the Lament Configuration from the puzzle box.
your quibble has been noted
Ha ha.