7 Rules For Life, According To The 1983 Sci-Fi Fantasy ‘Krull’
It’s more than just a movie about knights fighting aliens
Krull was more than a swashbuckling sci-fi box office flop despised by critics. It was also a source of moral instruction for nine-year-olds drawn to the lurid cover art of its VHS tape: A prince and a princess stand heroically in the claw of a terrifying, red-eyed space monster with a month full of fangs. Our hero, the prince, holds a pinwheel with five pointy knife blades, each shooting green lasers. Wow.
It was released in 1983, the same year as the last installment in the original Star Wars trilogy, The Return of the Jedi. The studio executives who greenlit this wannabe epic hoped Krull would be as successful as George Lucas' genre-defining space opera. It was not.
But the movie tried its best to be a timeless blockbuster and should be respected for the effort. Krull has everything: a cyclops, a giant spider, a ragtag group of heavily armed misfits on a quest to save a princess from a powerful villain, and lots of janky 80s special effects. James Horner's rousing score is as stirring as anything John Williams ever composed. There's even a cool weapon that looks like a fabulous bejeweled ninja throwing star. Sadly, it was no lightsaber.
This is director Peter Yates's only special-effects-laden sword and sorcery kiddie extravaganza. His journeyman career included thrillers like Suspect starring Cher and Steve McQueen's best movie, the car chase class Bullitt. Krull stands out in his resume, but you can't say the guy didn't give it his all.
He was told to make a movie for nerds because nerds are buying tickets to grown-up fairy tales, and that's precisely what he did. He doesn't just rip off Star Wars; he also dices up chunks of fantasy b-movies of the day like Dragonslayer and Beastmaster, which were cheap knockoffs of beloved novels about quests and wizards, like Tolkien's Lord of The Rings.
The cast is uniformly excellent, a collection of English stage actors who would have performed a good production of Shakespeare's Coriolanus. Ken Marshall is Colwyn, a very bland and noble prince, and Lysette Anthony's baby-faced Princess Lyssa is similar. David Battley plays a bumbling wizard, and Freddie Jones is Colwyn's firey mentor Ynyr. A very young and dashing Liam Neeson makes an appearance as a loyal and horny criminal-turned-reluctant hero. Hagrid himself, Robbie Coltrane, also shows up in a bit part.
I love Krull. It is Gen X trash. I don't expect anyone under 40 to have even heard about it. But if you have seen Krull? Then you're Gen X. Welcome. Let's complain about life and then take a nap. It's just that simple. You, too, can become a member of Gen X simply by watching Krull.
Krull may have tanked, but it's still full of profound wisdom. At least it was to little ol' me. I would not be the man I am today without Krull. I want to present seven rules for life that I learned from a movie about a faraway planet where knights fight aliens.
1. Don't Be Afraid To Cry
Prince Colwyn, recovering from laser lance wounds, openly sobs when he learns that The Beast's minions, The Slayers, murdered his father and kidnapped his wife, Princess Lyssa, on their wedding night. Ynyr, The Old One, a lonely mage from the Granite Mountains, chastises him for the display of emotion, but Colwyn pays him no mind. That is because Colwyn is a hero, and it takes courage to deeply feel your emotions before acting on them.
2. Have A Goal
Prince Colwyn must avenge his father and rescue his wife from The Beast, an intergalactic lizard-gorilla and shadowy Jungian archetype who lives in the forbidding Black Fortress, which can teleport itself to different locations around the planet Krull. This is an intimidating goal. Colwyn knows it will be challenging, but nothing good or meaningful is easy. Remember: follow your dreams, even if that means plunging your hand into magic lava and grabbing The Glaive, a magical razor frisbee.
3. Make Friends
Even heroes need help. Along with Ynyr, Colwyn meets and befriends a bumbling wizard who loves gooseberry pie and convinces a group of escaped convicts with hearts of gold and shiny axes to fight with him. A blind man with second sight and his young assistant also join. Colwyn is nice to a Cyclops, too. Always be nice to Cyclopses. Generally speaking, they're very gentle but also good with spears. Without deep and thoughtful connections to others, one can never fulfill one's goals.
4. Use Your Power Wisely
These are Ynyr's last words to Colwyn before dying. The old man sacrifices himself for the good of the planet by sneaking past the Crystal Spider to ask the Widow of the Web to use her magic to locate the Black Fortress. They were both madly in love once upon a time; what happened is a long, sad story. Short version: love boldly if you have the chance. Anyway, Ynyr escapes with enough breath to teach Colwyn one final lesson. You see, Colwyn has the power of a magic weapon, but he has other powers, too. Everyone has power, even if that power is a true heart, especially if you have a true, courageous heart.
5. Face Your Fears
The Black Fortress is far away, it turns out. This information came at a high cost, and our heroes had only one shot. So Colwyn and his friends decide to capture and ride Fire Mares, magical horses that can travel 1000 leagues in one day. Their hooves can burst into flames! These creatures are wild and dangerous, and the final journey is perilous. But Colwyn and company mount the Fire Mares, damn the consequences. Like all worthwhile things, the princess's freedom lives on the other side of fear.
6. Give It Your All
The assault on the Black Fortress resulted in many good men's deaths. Rhun, Oswyn, Bardolph, and Rell, poor Rell. They knew what they were signing up for, but still, it was heartbreaking. Not every challenge in life requires being crushed by the slowly closing walls of a giant fortress. But seeing things through to the end, and never surrendering, never giving up on yourself and others is the only way to complete your life's journey.
7. Have Faith In Love
Ultimately, Colwyn's magical weapon doesn't defeat The Beast. Nor do his friends, although he wouldn't have been able to face the villain without their bravery and sacrifice. No - in the end, it was his love for Lyssa and her love for him. Their love is so powerful it gives Colwyn the power to shoot fire out of his hands. Even The Beast cannot stand up against an open-hearted partnership between two human beings. I hope you find the kind of love that can turn you into a human flamethrower.
I saw Krull in the theater when I was nine. Stayed for a second showing it was that good.
Spoiler alert: I cried when the Cyclops died. I will eat a Fig Newton in his honor.
Well, I never saw it or even heard about that movie.
But your ability to develop life goals from seeing it when you were nine years old is quite impressive.
Get well soon. (Covid is no fun.)